


colorblind

by heathermylove



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: Angst, Character Study, F/F, Gen, JUST TAKE THIS, Other, POV Alternating, and veronica, pov shifts between each heather
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-02
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-05-04 14:21:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 1,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5337293
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heathermylove/pseuds/heathermylove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>an experiment - observations, realizations, and burning questions about four girls who, for all the color they sport, see the world in black and white</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> blood, joy, heat, passion, love, courage, revolution, love, p o w e r

your lips tingle with the taste of your mistakes.

gym class just started (and you were marked absent for the 5th time this quarter) and you sit alone in the locker room.

your reflection silently judges you.

 _look at you,_ she says.  _you can't quit, can you? you just can't say no._

heat rises to your cheeks. 

_and you're letting yourself get red. fucking pathetic._

she isn't wrong. 

_you let him tear you open, you invited him into you and he walked all over you._

your entire abdomen is racked with aches of guilt. 

_god, why?_

he, just like every other guy, is just a rung on the ladder.

_and when does it end?  when you've climbed the entire football team?_

none of them ever say "no" when you ask. 

_and when it's over, you haven't gained anything._

what more is there to gain? you're already at the top.

_you're at the top, and what did it cost you?_

power is cheap. 

power is lipstick  smeared across his jawline, dying embers from home-rolled cigarette dancing on the car window. 

power is the faces of the merry band of misfits who sit together in the corner of the caf as you pass by them. they are not privileged enough to lend their voices to the lunchtime poll.

power is your croquet mallet coming down hard on the ball. 

power is you.

_power is worthless. and so are you._

power is crying alone in the girls' locker room. 

at least you have a hall pass on you.

 

 


	2. orange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> unconventionality, fire, amusement, action, taste, d a n g e r

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> secondary colors are studies of the relationships between the two girls who wear the primary colors that make them up. (for example, yellow+red=orange, so this chapter will be about chandlamara!!! yay!!!)  
> green will have two chapters.

on the way to her funeral, you try to bring her back.

you summon every memory of her:  
summer vacation last year,  
driving in her porsche for the first time on her sixteenth birthday,  
passing notes in freshman homeroom,  
_she isn't gone, she can't be gone..._

you reminisce about picking out dresses for the eighth grade spring fling.

duke was out of town, leaving you and heather alone at the limited,  
on a rainy friday afternoon before the big dance.

she thrusted three dresses into your hands, and you took them.  
you knew she had an eye for style and you trusted her judgement -  
so the two of you marched into the dressing rooms.

the first one was black. you frowned as you stood in front of the mirror and tugged at the skirt.  
you exchanged looks with her and you could tell that both of you were thinking the same thoughts.  
" _definitely not._ "  
so you took it off and tried on the second one.

this one was beautiful.  
it was a radiant orange and it glittered as you twirled around the room,  
billowing around your waist with every spin.

she was laughing, not the usual artificially sweetened laugh you were so used to hearing,  
she was really, genuinely laughing.  
your heart soared as the two of you looked at each other in the mirror.

she had on a metallic silver gown, which in your opinion didn't look good at all  
but you didn't dare make an objection,  
besides she probably already knew the dress looked bad.

"you look beautiful, heather," she said.  
"but you know, i'm not sure that orange is your color.  
silver definitely isn't mine." 

so you took the third dress off of its hanger.  
it was even more wonderful than the last.

it was yellow,  
almost gold when it hit the light.

she came out in red,  
and she radiated glory and beauty.

she examined the dress she'd picked out for you, and her perfect lips curled into a perfect smile.  
"yes," she declared, "yellow is definitely your color." 

the next day, you threw out every piece of orange clothing you owned.

and today,  
for the first time since that rainy friday,  
you are wearing black.


	3. yellow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> happiness, cowardice, gentleness, betrayal, brilliance, optimism, l i g h t

you're eleven years old and wandering around your father's jewelry store when he asks you which gemstone is your favorite,  
you stand in front of a glass case loaded with shining jewelry, dazzled by their beauty.  
you stare into the radiance of the glittering jewels and point to the topaz.  
when your father asks you why, you tell him  
"they remind me of the sun." 

when you're thirteen, you win your first cheerleading competition   
you and your team bask in the light of victory under a summer sun.

when you're fifteen, you start high school as a goddess in a blazer woven of sunshine.

when you're sixteen, you stop riding the school bus.  
sometimes you'll go in heather's porsche,  
other times you carpool with kurt and ram in their chevy. 

when you're seventeen, all three of your rides to school are dead.

and you're on the bus again,  
trying to shut out the blinding glare of the sun   
and the dull ache in your head.

you'd always thought of the sun as your friend.   
but now you're not so sure.

and you can't help but laugh when you look down into the jar of pills and notice  
they're all yellow.


	4. green (the girls)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hope, freshness, vivacity, youth, s a f e t y

she crashes into you with the force of a bullet.  
an ocean of tears blurs your vision and you struggle against her as she  
shoves you against the wall and  
her fist is on your face. the pills pour out of your mouth.

"what are you trying to do, kill me?!" you scream, rubbing your cheek.  
"what are you trying to do, _sleep?_ " she yells back, voice broken with panic.

you slump against the wall, trying to push away the throbbing in your temples.

"suicide is a private thing,"   
you manage to choke out through the shock of it all.  
your words are coated with the bitter aftertastes of your escape ticket.

"throwing your life away to be a statistic in u.s. fucking a today?"  
she scoffs as she crushes a cluster of pills beneath her heel.  
"that's about the least private thing i can think of."

you have never seen her this _scared_ , you realize.  
her chest is heaving, her eyes are urgent.  
she's trembling. 

"but what about heather and kurt and ram-"  
she knows their deaths have left a hole in you and is quick to cut you off.

"heather, if everyone else jumped off a bridge, would you?"

you blink. pause. consider your answer.  
it doesn't take too long.  
"probably."  you smile feebly.  
it is the truth.

"oh."  
you are not sure whether it is surprise or disappointment you hear in her voice.  
perhaps it is both.

she shouldn't be surprised, really.  
you're the weakest link and everybody at westerberg knows.  
tears find their way down your cheeks again and you instinctively reach for the empty jar.

she is quick to kneel next to you against the wall with a hand on the jar.  
"well, if you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be human," she says, wiping the tears from your face with a gentle finger. "you'd be a game-show host."

she is so close to you.  
your heart sings a quick, ragged song within your chest.  
"let's knock off early. buy some shoes. something lame like that."  
"sure."  
she smiles at you, and her warmth fills your tired body with joy. 

you lean your heavy head against her shoulder.  
it is the only place you want to be, the only place you need to be. 

she leans her head gently upon your own. 

for a few minutes, the two of you sit there, enveloped in each other  
listening to the songs of each other's tired heartbeats and ragged breathing.

"thanks for coming after me."


End file.
